Gothic Granola

Faux Pho and Into It/Over It

Faux Pho: a TC special instead of going out to eat

Yes, I know that “pho,” the Vietnamese noodle soup, does not rhyme with “faux.” This recipe is also hardly authentic. Sue me.

faux pho vegan gluten-free | gothic granola

A trip to Lucky’s to get ingredients (and special Beyond Meat grilled chicken-free strips) was easier than going to Kim’s Food to Go in Boulder. It’s my favourite place to eat in Boulder-land.

Faux Pho
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  1. 4 quarts water
  2. 2 bundles rice or mung bean noodles (glass noodles)
  3. 1 tablespoon vegetable bouillon paste (Better than Bouillon)
  4. 1 clove garlic, smashed
  5. 1 onion, half-mooned
  6. 4 cups veggies of choice, chopped into fairly large chunks (broccoli, zucchini, carrots, bok choy, snap peas...)
  7. 16 ounces tofu, pressed and pan-fried or baked OR vegan protein of choice
  8. handful of basil (regular or Thai) for the side
  9. sprouts, chili garlic sauce, other greens for garnish
  1. In a large stock pot over high heat, bring water to boil.
  2. Add bouillon paste to boiling water.
  3. Reduce heat to medium and add in garlic, onion, veggies, and vegan protein.
  4. Cook until veggies are brilliant green and still firm.
  5. Add in rice noodles.
  6. Cook everything on low until rice noodles have softened and become transparent, about five minutes.
  7. Remove from heat and serve with basil and fixins on the side.
Gothic Granola
 faux pho vegan gluten-free | gothic granola

I saved about 3 cups of plain broth for my next soup venture.

faux pho vegan gluten-free | gothic granola

Let’s play a game I just made up: Into it/Over it (because negatives without positives are just pointless…I’m not talking about electrons.) This is the girly products edition. I don’t write Gothic Granola for females, but everything that’s pissed me off lately seems to involve products marketed towards or meant for female-bodied people.

Over it: Alaffia “Everyday Shea” cosmetic and body care products

Weaksauce lipbalm, watery lotion, drying and frying shampoo and ineffective conditioner = not on my shower caddy. Yes, proceeds support a VERY good cause, but subpar products have turned me off to the brand.

Into it: ???

I’m using St. Ives bodywash and Nature’s Gate lotion at the moment. While the SI vanilla bodywash appears to be animal-free, the parent company, Unilever, does test on animals. Boo.

Over it: Incredible by Victoria’s Secret Sports Bra (front-close, 2014 model)

I’m done with my 2014 “Incredible” sports bra. It lacks support for HIIT (that may be because I lost weight) and it’s a bitch to wash and dry after a workout to prevent stankiness.  Plus, WTF is with a padded sportsbra? Seriously? Gaining a cup size does nothing for my workout! My husband asks me enough questions about whether I got creeped on by the neighbours while working out in the grove; let’s not give anyone any reasons…

Into it: Champion Women’s Absolute Workout Sports Bra and Gore Essential Lady Crop Top

Because wearing this combination is almost as good as a binder. Both products are synthetic, easily rinsed and dried, and don’t hold stankiness like the more padded VS productions. The Champion bra is also on ridiculous sale on Amazon as of this writing.

Over it: Natracare Pantyliners

Can’t stand the heat, get out of your…underwear? ‘Nuff said. Too biodegradable. Their adult version of babywipes are good for camping, though: sturdy package, no cloying scent.

Into it: Lunette Menstrual Cup (Amazon)

If you have a human female set of reproductive organs, you spend a lot of money in your lifetime on feminine hygiene products. A menstrual cup is more cost effective and results in less landfill waste than pads and tampons, yet it is gross as fuck to insert and take out (because menstruation is always a massacre in one’s pants). If you’re really hippie-dippy, you can “harvest” your menstrual blood and, say, fertilize your garden (that Vice article has all these great euphemisms for menstruation). Using a menstrual cup inspired me to write a wretched lesbian vampire-on-human scene for my novel, grossing out my husband.

You saw it here first: Vampire shot glass.

vampire shot glass {gothic granola} Lunette_menstrual_cup_OrangeD wmcommons

3 Thoughts on “Faux Pho and Into It/Over It

  1. Pingback: When Life Gives You Potatoes | Into It/Over It, Gothic Edition | Gothic Granola

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