Gothic Granola

Burny-Face Greens


College food!  Burn-your-face-off greens.




I like my food spicy.  I mean, face-hurting, nose-running spicy.  It’s how I get my kicks: “Yeah, whaddya do for money honey/ How do you get your kicks/ Whaddya do for money honey/ how do you get your licks?”  I should mention my playlist at this moment since it is…well, you judge:

“Lithium” by Evanescence, “Feel So Numb” by Rob Zombie, “Closer” by Lacuna Coil, “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi (hey, I’m from Jersey), “Fistful of Steel” by Rage Against the Machine, “Hey You (Live)” by Pink Floyd, “Let Me Put My Love Into You” by AC/DC, “Pussy” by Rammstein, and “What Do You Do For Money Honey” by AC/DC.  I’ve been listening to this playlist on repeat since 18:30 and it’s 21:13 right this second.

I made burn-your-face-off bok choy this week, but I’ve been known to use kale, Swiss chard, and whatever other green-veg-of-the-week looks good to me.  Here’s the basic outline.

Burn-Your-Face-Off Greens
Serves 2ish

2 heads baby bok choy, washed, white parts chopped separately from the leaves (or half a bunch of kale, mustard greens, Swiss chard, et cetera)
1 onion, diced
1-2 cloves garlic, diced or pressed
1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil (or olive oil, canola oil, coconut oil)

Spices to taste:
gingerroot (it’s easier to grate if it’s frozen)
cayenne
cumin
turmeric

Heat the oil in a ten-inch (or bigger) sautee pan over medium-high heat.  When the oil is hot, add the onion and sautee for 5 minutes or until it begins to turn translucent.  

Add the spices and grate in the ginger with a microplane grater.  Stir everything around and cook for a minute.  Add the garlic and sautee that for a few minutes until it begins to turn translucent.  

Add the bok choy stems and sautee until they’re turning translucent.  If you’re using a ten-inch pan, you may need to add the bok choy in batches.  

Add the leafy parts and stir around until they’re wilted.  If you are so lucky as to have a lid for your pan, then put a lid on top of the whole assemblage when you add the leaves and steam to wilt.  When the leaves have turned brilliant green and then wilted, turn off the heat and remove to a rack to cool.  This tastes good hot or cold.
Come to the Dark Side…we have vegan and gluten-free goodies.

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